You've learned that the "unseen grip" isn't just about bad shots or negative thoughts; it's often about how you react to those thoughts and feelings. Traditional approaches often tell us to get rid of negative thoughts or change them. But what if struggling with those thoughts is part of the problem?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a different path. It's not about trying to feel good all the time, or forcing positive thinking. Instead, ACT helps you:
Accept difficult thoughts and feelings as a natural part of being human (and a professional athlete).
Choose to connect with your deepest values – what truly matters to you in golf and in life.
Commit to taking action based on those values, even when difficult thoughts and feelings show up.
This workbook section will guide you through practical exercises to apply ACT principles to your golf game, helping you to stop fighting with your mind and start living (and playing) a more vital and fulfilling life.
Before we can work with thoughts and feelings, we need to understand how our minds operate. Our minds are amazing problem-solving machines, but sometimes they get a little too good at it, creating narratives that aren't always helpful.
Exercise 1A: Your Mind's Greatest Hits (and Misses)
Purpose: To become aware of the narratives your mind creates, especially the unhelpful ones that contribute to the "unseen grip."
Activity:
Take 10 minutes, grab your journal, and reflect on your recent golf experiences (rounds, practice, conversations).
Write down some of the most common or impactful thoughts and stories your mind tells you about:
Your game right now (e.g., "I'm washed up," "I can't break par anymore").
Your potential (e.g., "I'll never get back to where I was," "I'm not good enough for this level").
Specific shots or holes (e.g., "I always pull this shot," "That putt is going to lip out").
What others think of your game (e.g., "They think I'm a fraud," "My sponsors are disappointed").
Notice if these are "facts" or "stories." Often, they're the latter.
Reflection Questions:
What themes emerge from these thoughts?
How do these thoughts make you feel?
What do you do (or avoid doing) when these thoughts are present?
Exercise 1B: The "Thought Parade"
Purpose: To begin to observe your thoughts as separate from yourself, rather than getting entangled in them.
Activity:
Sit quietly for 5-10 minutes. You can do this at home, or even before a practice session.
Close your eyes gently or soften your gaze.
Imagine your thoughts as objects passing by – like leaves floating down a stream, cars on a highway, or clouds drifting across the sky.
Simply notice each thought as it appears. Don't try to change it, judge it, or follow it. Just acknowledge its presence and let it pass. If you get caught up in a thought, gently bring your attention back to the image of thoughts passing by.
Reflection Questions:
How did it feel to simply observe your thoughts, rather than engaging with them?
Did you notice any patterns in the types of thoughts that appeared?
How quickly did thoughts appear and disappear?
"Defusion" is about creating distance from your thoughts, so they have less power over your actions. Your thoughts are just words and images in your head, not necessarily facts or commands you must obey.
Exercise 2A: "Thank You, Mind" (The Polite Acknowledgment)
Purpose: To acknowledge a thought without buying into it, reducing its emotional impact.
Activity:
The next time an unhelpful or critical thought pops into your head on the course or during practice (e.g., "You're going to miss this putt," "You're playing terribly"):
Simply say to yourself, "Ah, there's that 'you're going to miss this putt' thought again. Thanks for sharing, mind." Or, "I notice my mind telling me I'm playing terribly."
Notice how this simple acknowledgment, without arguing or engaging, can slightly shift your relationship with the thought.
Reflection Questions:
Did saying "Thank you, mind" create any space between you and the thought?
Did the thought feel less "sticky" or powerful?
Exercise 2B: The "Hands as Thoughts" Metaphor
Purpose: A powerful visual metaphor to understand how thoughts can blind you when you get too close to them.
Activity:
Hold your hands in front of your face, palms facing you, fingers spread, so they cover your eyes.
Notice how it's hard to see anything else. This is what happens when you're completely caught up in a thought (e.g., "I'm a failure"). The thought blocks out everything else.
Now, slowly lower your hands, moving them further away from your face, but still in your field of vision.
Notice that as your hands (thoughts) move away, you can now see the room around you. You can still see your hands (the thoughts are still there), but they no longer block your vision.
Reflection Questions:
What's the difference between being "behind your hands" (fused with thoughts) and having your "hands at a distance" (defused from thoughts)?
How can you apply this feeling of "hands at a distance" to your negative golf thoughts on the course?
Exercise 2C: The "Crazy Golf Commentator"
Purpose: To externalize and depersonalize critical thoughts, realizing they're often just noise.
Activity:
Think of a highly critical or pessimistic golf commentator who constantly points out flaws and predicts disaster.
The next time you have an unhelpful thought (e.g., "You're going to choke this shot"), imagine it being said by that commentator in your mind's ear. Give it a funny or annoying voice.
Notice how hearing it from this external "commentator" can make the thought seem less personal, less serious, and even a bit ridiculous.
Reflection Questions:
Did this exercise help you laugh at your thoughts, or at least take them less seriously?
How much power does a commentator's voice (even in your head) truly have over your actions?
Defusion helps you unhook from what's unhelpful. Values help you commit to what's meaningful. When you know what truly matters, you can move towards it, even with difficult thoughts in tow.
Exercise 3A: Your Golfing Values Compass
Purpose: To clarify what genuinely drives your engagement with golf, beyond just scores or winning.
Activity:
Consider a time when you truly loved playing golf, even when it was challenging. What was important to you then?
From the list below, or brainstorm your own, select 3-5 core values that represent the kind of golfer (and person) you want to be. These are not goals you achieve, but ongoing qualities you embody.
Excellence: Striving for continuous improvement and high standards.
Mastery: Deep understanding and skill development.
Challenge: Embracing difficulties and pushing boundaries.
Enjoyment/Fun: Finding joy and passion in the process.
Resilience: Bouncing back from setbacks.
Commitment: Dedication to practice and process.
Composure: Maintaining calm and focus under pressure.
Integrity: Playing honestly and with sportsmanship.
Connection: Building relationships (with caddies, competitors, fans).
Presence: Being fully engaged in the moment.
Courage: Taking risks, facing fears.
Learning: Being open to new insights and adapting.
For each chosen value, briefly write why it's important to you.
Reflection Questions:
How do these values differ from your typical "goals" in golf (e.g., breaking par, winning money)?
How might focusing on these values change your approach to practice or a competitive round?
Exercise 3B: Values-Driven Action Planning
Purpose: To connect your clarified values to concrete, actionable steps in your golf life.
Activity:
Choose one value from Exercise 3A that feels particularly important right now (e.g., "Resilience" or "Commitment").
Brainstorm 3-5 small, specific, and achievable actions you could take in your upcoming practice sessions or competitive rounds that would demonstrate or embody that value.
Value: Resilience -> Action: "After a bogey, I will immediately use my 'One Shot at a Time' routine (Chapter 2) before walking to the next tee."
Value: Commitment -> Action: "I will execute my full pre-shot routine with 100% focus on every single chip shot in my next short game practice."
Value: Presence -> Action: "I will use the 'Sensory Awareness Drill' (Chapter 2) for at least 30 seconds between every shot on the front nine of my next competitive round."
Write these actions down in your golf journal and commit to trying them.
Reflection Questions:
How does taking action based on your values feel different from trying to simply "play better"?
Even if the outcome isn't perfect, how does acting consistently with your values contribute to a more fulfilling experience?
The "unseen grip" often tightens because we resist uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Acceptance in ACT doesn't mean liking or condoning these feelings; it means willingly making space for them, acknowledging their presence without letting them control your actions.
Exercise 4A: "The Unwanted Guest" Metaphor
Purpose: To illustrate the futility of fighting uncomfortable feelings and the benefits of making room for them.
Activity:
Imagine your anxiety or frustration as an "unwanted guest" in your house (your mind/body).
Think about what happens if you try to fight them, yell at them, push them out, or lock them in a closet. (They might bang on the door, yell back, take up all your energy, or cause more disruption).
Now, imagine what happens if you simply open the door, acknowledge their presence, and allow them to be there without engaging, feeding them, or letting them run your house. You can still go about your day, focusing on what matters to you, even if they are still present in the background.
Reflection Questions:
How much energy have you spent trying to get rid of unwanted golf feelings (anxiety, frustration)?
How might making "room" for these feelings (without letting them control you) free up energy for your actual game?
Exercise 4B: "Hands on the Wheel" (Experiential Acceptance)
Purpose: A direct experiential exercise to practice making space for difficult emotions.
Activity:
Sit comfortably. Think about a specific challenging emotion you often feel on the golf course (e.g., intense nervousness before a tee shot, deep frustration after a bad break).
Notice where you feel that emotion in your body (e.g., tightness in chest, knot in stomach, racing heart).
Place one or both hands gently on that part of your body.
Take a few slow, deep breaths, breathing into that sensation. As you exhale, imagine softening around the feeling, creating space for it. Say to yourself, "It's okay for this feeling to be here." You're not trying to make it go away, just acknowledging its presence.
Continue for 2-3 minutes, simply "holding" the feeling with acceptance, like you might hold a fussy baby – with care, even if it's uncomfortable.
Reflection Questions:
Did the intensity of the feeling change? (It might not, and that's okay!)
Did you feel any shift in your relationship to the feeling – perhaps less of a struggle?
How might this practice help you on the golf course when those feelings arise?
This is where all the pieces come together. It's about taking concrete steps towards your values, even when your mind is telling you to stop, avoid, or do something else.
Exercise 5A: "The Bullseye" – Daily Commitment Check
Purpose: A visual tool to assess how consistently your daily actions align with your values.
Activity:
Draw a simple target with concentric circles (like an archery target). The center is "fully aligned with my values." The outer rings are "not aligned at all."
At the end of each day, or after each practice session/round, reflect on your actions.
Place an "X" on the bullseye to represent how well you acted in alignment with your golfing values (e.g., did you commit to your routine? Did you practice self-compassion after a mistake? Did you use defusion techniques?).
No judgment, just observation. This is a tool for awareness, not self-criticism.
Reflection Questions:
What patterns do you notice over a week?
What small changes could you make to move your "X" closer to the center tomorrow?
Exercise 5B: The "Willing Hands" Drill
Purpose: To physically express willingness to engage in value-driven action, even in the presence of discomfort.
Activity:
When you're feeling resistant, anxious, or overwhelmed before a specific golf task (e.g., stepping onto the first tee, practicing a difficult shot, making a coaching call):
Sit or stand, and open your hands, palms facing upwards, as if you're holding something gently or offering them. This is a physical posture of willingness and openness.
Take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I am willing to experience [anxiety/frustration/doubt] and still do what matters to me (e.g., commit to my routine, trust my swing)."
Hold this posture for a few breaths as you commit to the action.
When to use it: Before any golf-related task where you anticipate resistance or strong negative emotions.
You've now explored powerful ACT principles to navigate your inner world. This isn't about eradicating negative thoughts or never feeling anxious again. It's about finding a new kind of freedom: the freedom to pursue what truly matters to you in golf, even when difficult thoughts and feelings show up. By defusing from unhelpful narratives, clarifying your values, accepting discomfort, and committing to value-driven action, you can loosen the "unseen grip" and step onto the course with renewed purpose and resilience. This is the path to a game driven by choice, not by fear or frustration.